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Dr. Timon's Pediatric Dental Blog
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Domestic Abuse
I noticed in this week’s Sunday Advertiser a front-page article depicting domestic abuse. I have, on occasion, reported to child protective services injuries to children that I felt might involve abuse. I find now that I want to describe an instance of adult domestic violence. The victim was myself and I hope my tale will enlighten many of you to the fact that domestic violence can occur to anyone.
In September of 2007 my wife and I decided to attempt salvaging our marriage. We had been separated more than a year, were officially separated with separate residences and temporary alimony established by a judge. I think we both were shocked when a final divorce settlement was presented by our
Attorneys. We met a couple of times, talked on the phone and decided I should move back in on a Sunday.
The following Friday my wife discovered my password and gained access to my email account. The account contained many old emails to a woman that I had dated while we were separated. My wife freaked, screaming, cursing, telling me what a horrible person I was---on and on. It was a turning point in the relationship.
I became depressed the next day and she became emotionally and physically abusive to me. The physical abuse seldom occurred but the emotional abuse was almost a daily occurrence. I remember one evening we had dinner with my wife's sister and brother-in-law. My wife had had too many glasses of wine and I knew there would be a price to pay. It started right after we left in the car. Yelling and threatening to make me return to the boat I had lived on while separated. I had developed a phobia of the boat at this time and pleaded with her not to make me go back to the boat. Later, my wife said her sister had told her that I looked so depressed and sad. I was depressed all right but I was also scared. The most frightening incident was one night while I was lying in my bed on my side. My wife came in took a knife and cut me twice on my stomach. Each cut was very slow and very shallow, just enough to bleed.
If you talk to anyone that was around us during that time they will describe her as a loving and devoted caregiver. She would make me close the windows of our condo before the abuse so no one would hear, endearments when others were around and abuse when alone. I'm sure most people will think, why didn't you just leave. When you are depressed you've lost your self worth, your confidence and ability to act in your own self-interest. Until you recover, you see no escape and choose dependence and the abuse.
One evening in June of 2007 we began arguing. My wife got up from her chair, went into the bedroom and started throwing my clothes out the door. It was the eleventh time since the previous September that I had had to leave and find another place to sleep. I never went back, probably because I was no longer depressed and refused to be a victim.
Both of us were victims and terribly unhappy but no one deserves to be abused. I hope this will convince you that anyone can be abused. Male, female, child, adult, poor or rich, we are all potential victims.
In September of 2007 my wife and I decided to attempt salvaging our marriage. We had been separated more than a year, were officially separated with separate residences and temporary alimony established by a judge. I think we both were shocked when a final divorce settlement was presented by our
Attorneys. We met a couple of times, talked on the phone and decided I should move back in on a Sunday.
The following Friday my wife discovered my password and gained access to my email account. The account contained many old emails to a woman that I had dated while we were separated. My wife freaked, screaming, cursing, telling me what a horrible person I was---on and on. It was a turning point in the relationship.
I became depressed the next day and she became emotionally and physically abusive to me. The physical abuse seldom occurred but the emotional abuse was almost a daily occurrence. I remember one evening we had dinner with my wife's sister and brother-in-law. My wife had had too many glasses of wine and I knew there would be a price to pay. It started right after we left in the car. Yelling and threatening to make me return to the boat I had lived on while separated. I had developed a phobia of the boat at this time and pleaded with her not to make me go back to the boat. Later, my wife said her sister had told her that I looked so depressed and sad. I was depressed all right but I was also scared. The most frightening incident was one night while I was lying in my bed on my side. My wife came in took a knife and cut me twice on my stomach. Each cut was very slow and very shallow, just enough to bleed.
If you talk to anyone that was around us during that time they will describe her as a loving and devoted caregiver. She would make me close the windows of our condo before the abuse so no one would hear, endearments when others were around and abuse when alone. I'm sure most people will think, why didn't you just leave. When you are depressed you've lost your self worth, your confidence and ability to act in your own self-interest. Until you recover, you see no escape and choose dependence and the abuse.
One evening in June of 2007 we began arguing. My wife got up from her chair, went into the bedroom and started throwing my clothes out the door. It was the eleventh time since the previous September that I had had to leave and find another place to sleep. I never went back, probably because I was no longer depressed and refused to be a victim.
Both of us were victims and terribly unhappy but no one deserves to be abused. I hope this will convince you that anyone can be abused. Male, female, child, adult, poor or rich, we are all potential victims.
Labels: abuse, domestic violence
posted by Neal Timon, DDS at 12:15 PM
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4Comments:
Man wreaks havoc at Ala Wai Harbor
A suspect allegedly damages several craft and two piers trying to evade police
By Alyssa S. Navares
anavares@starbulletin.com
An out-of-control powerboat plowed into a 70-foot catamaran Tuesday night at the Ala Wai Boat Harbor, knocking vacationing Arizona resident Bill Browning out of bed.
"At first I thought we were having an earthquake," Browning said. "It sounded like my boat came undone and was scraping against the rocks."
Browning went onto the deck of the Double Barrel, where he saw the 76-foot Prowler reverse into other boats, piers and his $1.5 million catamaran five more times at the Ala Wai Boat Harbor.
Neal Timon, 65, was arrested after a police officer and an engineer from another boat jumped aboard the Prowler.
Timon was charged yesterday with operating a vehicle under the influence of an intoxicant and fleeing from the scene of an accident. Bail was set at $1,000.
Timon had refused to take a breathalyzer test and was then taken to the Queen's Medical Center before being charged.
The boat crashes came after Timon allegedly attempted to flee from police after crashing his convertible into a sport utility vehicle at the harbor parking lot, police said. The SUV belonged to a boyfriend of Timon's girlfriend, police said.
A witness to the crash directed the six officers to two boats near the Ala Wai Marine Center where Timon was hiding, police said. Police began questioning the owner of the first boat before Timon came out of the cabin, swearing. Timon ordered another man on board to loosen the anchor before powering the boat toward the Ala Wai channel.
The Coast Guard was also called to the scene.
"As soon as he fired his engine, I could tell there was something wrong," Capt. Jono Saunders said.
Saunders witnessed the incident from aboard the Kauhale Kai, a 90-foot yacht that belonged to Browning's brother, John Browning.
Kauhale Kai engineer Michael Weber helped police stop Timon by jumping aboard the Prowler. Police reported Timon as being belligerent and uncooperative.
Repairing the New Zealand-made Double Barrel, which included smashed railings and hulls, will cost more than $60,000, Bill Browning said.
"By the sixth time he hit me, I thought my boat was going to snap in half," he said.
Eight to 10 boats and two new piers were damaged at the harbor. The total damage is being investigated, Waikiki Yacht Club Manager Peter Detrich said.
Among the damaged boats was the $4.5 million Kauhale Kai. Frontal damage to the Kauhale Kai's hull, rubber railing and aluminum exterior, as well as a paint job, will amount to $25,000, said John Browning.
Although this "havoc" posted by an anonymous person happened almost three years ago and was much different from the newspaper account copied here, it did happen. There were some charges which were later dismissed and I am naturally ashamed by my actions. I don't however think it justifies or adds to the discussion of abuse.
Neal Timon
In a reversal of actual events I find that I have been charged with
spousal abuse. My attorney told me I have two choices. If I am willing
to go before the judge and say I am guilty I can use, what my lawyer
calls, my get out of jail free card. This means no jail and also any
record will be removed after a period of good behavior. If I go to trial
and am found not guilty, there will be, of course, no penalty but the
record of the charge will always remain. If I am found guilty I am
guaranteed jail time and the record will also remain for the rest of my
life.
I know the only sensible way to proceed is to tell the judge I am guilty
but I can't tell the judge I did something when I know that to be a lie.
I don't think it is right to comment further until this is over but
promise to let you know how it ends.
Neal Timon
My case has finally been settled. My attorney sent me to a Forensic Psychologist to explore my reasons for going to trial. He suggested that there is always the possibility for a guilty verdict as it is my word against my wife's and the last thing I need at this stage of my life is a felony conviction. We were able to have the charge reduced to a misdemeanor and since I have never had any previous trouble it will be erased within one year. I can't tell you how hapy I am to have this over.
Neal Timon
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